They say that if you fall off the horse, it’s best to get back on it. My problem is I didn’t exactly fall off the horse, I got my foot stuck in the stirrup and clung on for dear life. So, I put on my jodhpurs and riding helmet (I’ll leave the riding crop for later) and got ready to saddle up!
I haven’t dated in ten years. I was an actual child the last time I went on a date! The game has changed! When I first ventured into dating, it was messaging the boy you liked on MSN Messenger. It was simple and easier.
A friend of mine recommended a way to ease myself back into the world of dating, was to join a Dating Site. I felt a little too young for Match.com and a little too sophisticated for POF. Tinder was the site of choice! I dutifully created my profile, making sure to use recent pictures and minimal selfies, as apparently the latter is off putting.
After creating my Tinder profile whilst hungover to the point it took me six hours to eat my delivered McDonalds, I started to begin the trauma of the ‘swipe’ After swiping right and superliking men I meant to swipe left for, I eventually got the hang of it. Here were hundreds of men at my fingertips, who were viewing pictures of me looking at my best, whilst I was sat in my dressing gown, stinking of stale booze and sick. What’s not to like?
The first ‘you’ve got a match’ arrived within minutes. I was filled with excitement hoping it was ‘Tim – the Chef’ but no, it was ‘Barry, the Brick Layer’ who I’d accidentally swiped right for. His message “Hey hows u? Ur fit” arrived soon after in my inbox, setting the tone for the first of many awkward introduction messages. (In the early stages of Tinder, I would always message back and explain it was an accident / it’s not the right fit. By month two, I learnt that being my usual polite self would be too time consuming. Tinder is essentially, just cruising for cock. Manners are left at the door)
Within 24hrs I had 70 matches. I felt like a Pokemon trainer! I was collecting them all and feeling extremely hopeful. Being single wouldn’t be for long. I was ready for love, but love wasn’t ready for me! I shortlisted suitable candidates to take things further with. Three days later I had my first ever Tinder date..